


Through the Mirror

by Ravensandstars



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 04:18:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10654761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravensandstars/pseuds/Ravensandstars
Summary: After the forced mind-meld with Mirror Spock Bones tries to forget; meanwhile Spock senses something strange when the correct landing party beams back aboard the Enterprise.





	Through the Mirror

Leonard Mccoy had never given a thought to what the presence of someone else’s mind would feel like within his own.  He had no reason to think he would need to, after all, the only telepath he was in close quarters with was practically a walking computer.

He wished he’d asked Spock more about his abilities now as he stumbled off the transporter and tried to act as natural as possible.  He could feel Spock, the  _ rational  _ one, staring at him, but he did not dare meet those too-perceptive eyes.  The presence of the other science officer burned in his brain like a migraine, dotting his vision with white and constricting his chest.  

“You all right there Bones?”  

Jim’s voice cut through the fog for a moment and Leonard turned to him with a smile that he prayed was convincing.

“I’m fine Jim, just glad we’re back home,” he replied and hoped he sounded fine.

All Leonard could hear was that static in his head where the  _ other  _ Spock had ripped into him.  That absence of all those feelings, that intensity with which the vulcan had searched for what Leonard had kept hidden deep inside his mind.

Not deep enough, apparently.  

 

Exactly three days after the incident Spock confronted Leonard.  

“You have been avoiding me doctor,” he said, damned eyebrow arched and eyes dark as the space around them.  

_Not the same eyes, not the same eyes, not the same eyes._ He mentally chanted those words like a prayer, it’s the only thing that let him meet Spock’s eyes.  

“Of all the ridiculous things to say!  Did it ever occur to that vulcan brain of yours that I might have been busy?” Leonard spat, but the words felt hollow and he knew it.  

“That would be illogical doctor.  There have been no major illnesses in the past three days nor is there any reason why you would have suddenly stopped coming to the bridge.  The logical conclusion, then, is that you are avoiding me based on whatever passed between yourself and my counterpart,” Spock said, the words cold and all too true.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Leonard shot back, but his voice wavered and Spock’s face underwent that minute twitch that means he knows he’s won.

When he spoke again it was with an air of disdain so palpable as to be uncharacteristically human. 

"Doctor McCoy. I trust that your experience in the parallel universe was not too unpleasant, and that you... got along well with my counterpart. I speculate that he was more human than vulcan in nature, and as such more pleasing to you."

Leonard recoiled as though he’d been slapped in the face.

“You don’t know the first thing about what happened in that universe, and I don’t know where you could have possibly thought of something so  _ illogical  _ but I suggest you stay out of this.”  The doctor was all but yelling by the time he finished speaking, paying no mind to the staring crewmembers.  

Leonard turned away and began to walk down the hallway before a firm hand shot out and wrapped around his wrist.  

He almost blacked out from the panic alone, and  ripped his arm away from Spock’s grip, eyes wide with fear.  For the first time the doctor saw Spock stunned.

“Such a strong reaction to my touch doctor?  This is illogical, I felt your bond, your mind link with my counterpart . Why should you behave in such a manner towards me?”

At this Leonard laughed hysterically, maniacally, pulling the vulcan into an empty conference room and shutting the door. 

“A bond cannot be created without consent you pointy-eared hobgoblin.  Your counterpart attacked me, forced a meld to find god-knows-what, and left me with a mess in my head!”

For several tense minutes silence reigned, and Spock stared as though he were seeing Leonard for the first time.

“I had never thought-.  Doctor, to force a meld is unthinkable for a vulcan, it is the greatest crime any member of my race can commit.  To use such brutal force-”

“Well you couldn’t have known, could you?  That other Enterprise was beyond anything you could have imagined Spock.  So there you go, I’ve been avoiding you because I’ve got this damn  _ white noise  _ in my head all the time and I’m afraid if I get too close-.”  

“I apologize doctor.”  The words were said hesitantly, quietly, yet they reverberated through the room as though Spock had shouted them.  

Leonard wanted to tease him, wanted to claim victory over the fact that he’d gotten the man to say something  _ human _ for once.  Instead he just shook his head.

“It’s not your fault,” he replied quietly, and this time did not flinch away from the hand that Spock gently placed on his shoulder.  The touch was gentle, almost alarmingly so, and Leonard sucked in a breath.  

“He was trying to find information,” Leonard said, closing his eyes when Spock directed him into a chair.  He knew, despite what Spock said to the contrary, that those eyes would be filled with his own brand of pity, and Leonard couldn’t handle that, not right now.  

“There is, perhaps, a way to undo the damage which my counterpart has inflicted. However, it would require me to link our minds,” Spock said, and Leonard’s stomach knotted.  He thought for a moment, and then nodded.

“Do what you have to Spock,” he sighed.

“We must have more time, perhaps when we both have a shift off, preferably in your quarters.” 

“Of course, that sounds logical,” Leonard replied, letting out a weak laugh.  Spock held out a hand, as if to help him out of his seat and Leonard gripped the vulcan’s wrist tightly, feeling weak as he was brought back to his feet.  

Leonard had to wait a week until they met. He was acting normally, more or less, thanks to his conversation with Spock, but still found himself having to avoid Jim’s concerned gaze and deflect questions.  Jim, at least, seemed to understand the unspoken  _ I’m not ready _ .  Leonard always appreciated this about his friend, that quiet understanding, knowing when not to push.  Though it was a completely irrational thought he felt that he had to keep this from Jim, that the captain would blame himself for the meld despite the fact that it was totally out of his control.

Spock, however, was not to be fooled.  Every time those sharp eyes turned to Leonard he knew the vulcan could see right through him.  The prospect of the meld worried him; the forced meld had brought up feelings Leonard had thought long-buried.

Apparently, they had not been buried deep enough.

Perhaps that was what the other Spock had been looking for, some sliver of affection, some  _ feeling  _ from him.  

Leonard shook his head as he walked to Spock’s quarters, trying desperately not to think of the other Spock’s fingers on his wrist, or touching his sweating face.  This Spock,  _ his _ Spock, would never do such a thing, he was far too logical.  

“My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.”

Though whisper-quiet the words seemed to echo like a gunshot in the silent room.  Leonard breathed in and out slowly, unable to stop the nervous bouncing of his leg.  He braced himself for that  _ break,  _ that horrid feeling of invasion and  _ take, take, take.  _

It never came.  

Leonard relaxed as he felt Spock’s controlled and calm mind touching his own.  It felt like a hand reaching out rather than violently pushing its way in.  Tentatively he allowed Spock’s mind to reach further, inching around to find the damage that his counterpart had caused.  

_ If you feel discomfort at any time Doctor McCoy you are free to withdraw from the meld. _

It was strange, hearing the vulcan’s voice directly inside his head, but Leonard managed a nod and the mental hand continued its probing.

The work was long, with Spock carefully and meticulously repairing the doctor’s mind, like rebuilding his walls.  Everything was going well, until Spock reached the final, and most painful, part of the damage.  

Leonard almost pulled away, stomach in knots and breathing speeding up as he waited for Spock to inevitably see what the doctor had been trying so hard to hide for so long.

When Spock reached them, those feelings of warmth, of fondness, of  _ love  _ behind the wreckage of the other Spock, he stilled for just a moment.  For a second Leonard forgot to breathe, and then the damage was repaired, and everything was reversed.  

Spock drew away quietly, and Leonard let out a silent sigh of relief.  When their eyes met an awkward silence filled the room, and for long minutes silence reigned between them.

Finally, it was Spock who broke the silence.

“Doctor, you need not be ashamed-”

“What makes you think I’m ashamed,” Leonard shot back, fingers gripping the sheets so that Spock could not see them shaking.

“We both know I saw that which you had tried to keep secret, there is no logic in denying it,” Spock said, and though his demeanor seemed quite calm Leonard could see the nerves in his eyes, he’d known him too long not to recognize that.

“What else can I say Spock?”

“For how long have you harbored this attraction to me?”

Hearing everything laid bare made Leonard want to deny it, made him want to leave Spock’s room and pretend that nothing had happened.

Of course, he did not have that luxury.  

“Since a little while after the mission began.  Now, if we’re done here I’m gonna go back to my own quarters and have a very strong drink.”  

Leonard stood up quickly, but before he could get very far Spock spoke again.

“Perhaps, Leonard, you should have spoken to me.”  

Leonard’s heart began hammering in its chest.  He hadn’t dared hold a sliver of hope, not when Spock seemed so distant, not wanting to break the fragile ground on which their friendship had developed.

“Why, so you could tell me my feelings were illogical?” he couldn’t help but snap back.

Spock shook his head and took a step forward.

For the first time in a long while Leonard McCoy allowed himself to hope.


End file.
